So…at the end of 2009 and where am I. Well, not too far from where I was last year which is disappointing, but it is what it is. Was planning to record, but that was scuttled by a day job gone insane, a crap economy, and a car accident. But I do intend to get back on that next year.
Didn’t loose a pound. Actually that’s a lie. I lost several, gained them back, and am losing them again. BUT, I have a happy, healthy 2 year old who is a ball. A great home life. And that matters more to me than traveling from town to town crammed in a van and staying at cheap motels. I miss the gigs and meeting the people, but I don’t miss the lifestyle. Sorry…but that is the truth!…I’m playing with guys I adore and respect and still love music. Love playing, love singing. So why stop, huh?
But I promised I would blog about something pretty magical that happened to me about a month ago, but never got around to it. So I’m making it my year-end entry.
In early November, I got a random email from an old acquaintance, Frank. He is a teacher at a school in the Village, and had an interesting project he wanted to discuss with me. His 6th graders were reading “Hamlet”, and he wanted to use “Poor Ophelia” as something to bounce off of them to make the story more relevant. I said why the hell not, emailed him the lyrics, and frankly, thought the idea was cool, but was so caught up with “life” that I didn’t think much of it.
When the morning came, I hustled down to the Little Red Schoolhouse, and sat in the corner of a 6th grade classroom. To say these kids were extraordinary would be an understatement. They were smart, sharp, engaged and curious. All one would hope for from a room full of kids. So my friend had printed the lyrics and asked them to annotate to them against the book. They were also watching bits of the Mel Gibson version of Hamlet. Don’t hate…that movie has one of the best depictions of Ophelia I’ve seen actually! Anyway, they didn’t know I wrote the lyrics, or even that it was a song. They read it as poetry, and also had no idea if the author was a man or woman.
These kids examined my lyrics like House diagnoses a case. It was amazing to watch. It made me wonder if I got my facts straight. If I interpreted correctly. I actually started getting pretty paranoid! But their observations were spot on and amazing. I actually found myself welling up a few times. And for the corniest of reasons. No shitting you, I felt hope for the future looking and hearing these kids. I guess teachers feel this all the time. But a little semi-artist like myself locks myself in a candle lit room baring my angst while hiding it in song lyrics. Suddenly what I do, what we all do felt VERY real to me.
When the big reveal happened, the kids seems shocked, and excited, but were really great. They asked loads of questions. And I played “Poor Ophelia” for them on a guitar Frank had borrowed for me. It was 9:30am, I was hoarse, and a little choked up at the whole experience, but I felt the meaning in that performance more than I had ever felt it before. It was incredible. And in that moment, I got it!
I’m 40 years old. Not skinny. Not rich. Not perfect. Not always motivated. Not as tortured as I used to be. Life has now sucked a lot of motivation out of my day when it comes to music. Too many hours of my day are spent NOT playing music. But I keep on with it. I know I won’t be as big as U2 or as influential as Radiohead, but I do it because I love it. But also because I think it does matter. Maybe not to thousands or millions of people, but to those who get within my earshot, and connect with what I do. Artists allow people to connect to things they may either ignore or avoid. We connect people to the best and worst within themselves. We provide illumination, distraction, empowerment and sometimes just plain fun. ALL of us…not just the famous ones. And having that ability is an amazing gift that gives and gives back.
So I play on. Maybe not all the time. Maybe not perfectly. Maybe not always when I say I will. But I play on. As should all artists, regardless of your station in life. Because there are a lot of 6th graders out there. And they are all inspiring, and need to be inspired. And they will all grow up one day to do great things, large and small. And in that…lies HOPE!
Much love to all of you, and many many thanks for keeping me in the game and keeping me going. I promise more music in 2010. And I look forward to bringing you all along on the ride.
Happy Holidays & Happy New Year!
CT—